Chuck Norris är tuffingarnas tuffing.
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  1. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris".
  2. As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
  3. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris.
  4. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
  5. Children go to bed in Superman pajamas, while Superman goes to bed in Chuck Norris pajamas.
  6. Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
  7. Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
  8. Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
  9. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  10. Chuck Norris can taste lies.
  11. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
  12. Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
  13. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
  14. Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
  15. Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
  16. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  17. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  18. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  19. Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium while urinating,
  20. Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.
  21. Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse, a horse is hung like Chuck Norris.
  22. Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
  23. Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
  24. Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
  25. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
  26. Chuck Norris once ate three 2 kg steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
  27. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
  28. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more balls?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
  29. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
  30. Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
  31. Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
  32. Chuck Norris only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.
  33. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King... and got one.
  34. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
  35. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
  36. Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
  37. Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
  38. Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  39. Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
  40. Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
  41. Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  42. Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
  43. CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
  44. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  45. Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.
  46. Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
  47. Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
  48. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.
  49. Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".
  50. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
  51. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
  52. If Chuck Norris has five dollars and you have five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
  53. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
  54. If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  55. If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
  56. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
  57. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  58. In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".
  59. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
  60. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
  61. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  62. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  63. Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  64. July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not.
  65. Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
  66. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
  67. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  68. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
  69. Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
  70. Once a cop pulled over Chuck Norris. Chuck let him off with a warning.
  71. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  72. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  73. Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  74. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
  75. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick).
  76. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
  77. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  78. The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends.
  79. The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
  80. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
  81. The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
  82. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
  83. The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
  84. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  85. The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
  86. The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
  87. The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
  88. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
  89. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
  90. There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
  91. There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
  92. There is no such thing as evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
  93. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
  94. What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.
  95. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
  96. When Chuck Norris moves, the Phantom is standing still.
  97. When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
  98. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
  99. When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
  100. When you search Chuck Norris on Google and spell his name wrong, it doesn't say 'did you mean Chuck Norris', it says 'run while you have the chance.