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My Computer Crashed And Died Today
Beatles Help!
Spell Checker

My Computer Crashed And Died Today

My computer crashed and died today
And I thought, "oh well what the hey"
Now I'd have time to clean my house
And see if I still had a spouse

It started out with weird frustrations
Combined with mild heart palpitations
And then my ankles began to swell
Withdrawal symptoms from no AOL

Chills ran up and down my spine
Oh, God I had to get on-line
To greet my buds and check my mail
I began to feel helpless and frail

Then I remembered the Good Guy's Store
And all those computers by the door
I'd go there and when alone
With no one looking I'd sign-on

I stepped up to a computer, clicked on AOL
The Sign-On screen came up, man it sure looked swell
I clicked on the Guest name, then came the modem sound
I was having cold-sweats, as my heart began to pound

Then I typed my password, and the computer said, "Goodbye"
And that's what I kept hearing each time that I would try.
This was just an evil plot, the store was playing tricks
If only they had known how bad I need my AOL fix

I ...slowly... typed... my... password... then...I... stood....and...waited
The darned thing said , "Goodbye" again and I got real frustrated
That's when I shoved the keyboard thru the monitor screen
And the last thing I remember is my loud shrieking scream

When I woke I was handcuffed being booked
I think I asked the data entry cop, if he'd get me a drink
Now I'm sitting in his chair, and I know I can get well
If I can just use his computer to sign on AOL.

Help!

(Melodi: "Help!" av Beatles)

When I was younger and quite desperate for pay,
I worked the help desk for eight hours every day.
End users called me up to tell me what was wrong,
And now I find, it fried my mind, I worked "the desk" too long.

"Help me if you can, my system's down!
And a reboot didn't bring it back 'round!
Should it make that awful grinding sound?
Help desk pleeeeeease, please help me!"

And now my work has changed in oh so many ways,
I wrangle data; I'm an MCDBA.
But now and then the help desk sneaks into my dreams,
I'm taking calls, I'm up the walls, I wake up with a scream.

"Help me if you can my system's down!
I read virus-laden e-mails by the pound!
All my data's one big steaming mound!
Help desk PLEEEEASE, PLEASE HELP ME!"

When I was younger and quite desperate for pay,
I worked the help desk for eight hours every day.
But now I wish that I could travel back in time,
I wouldn't cry, if only I could leave that desk behind.

"Help me if you can my system's down!
Spilled my coffee, now my hard drive's full of grounds!
Lost my pictures filled with women bound!
HELP DESK PLEEEEEEASE, PLEASE HELP ME! HELP ME! HELP ME! Oooooooo...."

Spell Checker

I halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.

I've scent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.