- What keys don't open doors?
A monkey, a donkey and a turkey.
- Knock Knock
Why are you crying?
- Today it was raining cats and dogs.
How do you know?
I stepped in a poodle.
- How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
- What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
- From his actual life:
I was flown out to LA a few days ago by The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. On the flight back to New York, Stevie Wonder sat down in first class by the window (why Stevie Wonder needs a window seat is beyond me). At one point in the flight, I called the stewardess over. I said to her, You know, you could have sat Stevie Wonder in coach and just told him it was first class. She was not amused.
- An American couple is visiting Russia.
They hire a tour guide named Rudolph.
As they are taking the tour, they feel a drop.
The tour guide says, Da! It is rain!
The wife says, No, it´s snow!
The guide says, It is rain!
They argue back and forth.
Finally, the husband says to his wife, Rudolph the red knows rain, dear!
- Why did Tigger walk into the bathroom?
- He was looking for Pooh.