(Stor - större - störst heter det ju, men hur blir det omvänt? få - färre - ...först?)

Ingen parkering förbjuden
   - Skylt på bensinmack i Uppsala

Vi utför rost och plåtskador billigt
   - Bilverkstad utanför Göteborg

Stekt röd tunga
   - På lunchmenyn för en restaurang

Seriösa priser
   - I fönster till pizzeria i Visby

Sjuk gymnastik
   - Skylt i centrala Lund

Jag är sjukdom, kommer morgon
   - Hos frisör i Stockholm

Vid köp av klockarmband - gratis påsättning
   - Skylt på loppmarknad i Göteborg

Jämna pengar underlättar växlingen
   - Lapp i cafeterian på Högskolan i Halmstad

Ät fisk - bli frisk (Affären stängd p.g.a. sjukdom)
   - Skylt på dörren till mindre affär i Gnesta

Posten hämtas då och då, ibland något senare
   - På brevlåda utanför Hotellet i Kittelfjäll

Frigående ägg
   - Affisch i ett fönster till en mataffär i Göteborg

Para er tre och tre i liftkön. Se upp så inga klädesplagg fastnar i liften.
   - Plakat vid skidliften i Sunne

Morgondagen inställd p.g.a. bristande intresse
   - Lapp i Medborgarhusets foajé i Stockholm

Priserna gäller endast när gatuköket är öppet
   - Gatukök i Uppsala

Tomgångskörning förbjuden högst 1 minut
   - Skylt vid lastkaj

Idag rabatt på underkläder som avdrages i kassan
   - Skylt i mindre klädbutik

Extra mört kött. Vi hänger själv i butiken
   - I fönster på en mataffär

All affischering utom affischering om affischering förbjuden förbjuden!
   - Skylt på vägg i Stockholm



Vårt engelska språk:

Airport:
Your a foreign tv-producer going through customs in New York and the customer asks you what your purpose is for visiting the states. You truthfully declare: -"I'm here to shoot a pilot".

Hotels:
In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetry where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to parambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your outmost to alarm the hotel porter.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

In a Italian hotel brochure:
This hotel is renowned for its piece and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.

In a Rome hotel:
Fire! It is what can doing, we hope. No fear. Not ourselves. Say quickly to all people coming up down everywhere a prayer. Always is a clerk. He is assured of safety by expert men who are in the bar for telephone for the fighters of the fire to come out.

In a Spanish hotel Ad:
The provision of a large French widow in every room adds to the visitors comfort.

In a French hotel:
A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trouser.

In a Madrid hotel:
People will left the room at midday of tomorrow in place of not which will be more money for hole day.

Restaurants:
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel restaurant:
Salad a firm's own make limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Swiss Mountian Inn:
Special today no ice cream.

On the menu of a Madrid restaurant:
Tarts of the house.

On the menu of a French restaurant:
Extract of fowl, peached or sunnyside up.

Bars:
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for ladies with nutes.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

Shops:
In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

Tailor Shops
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is a big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Dry Cleaners
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Doctor's and Dentist's
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by latest Methodists.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women an other diseases.

Tourism:
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Polish tourist brochure:
As for the tripes serves you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praise to your children as you lie on your deathbed.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

On a German beach:
No boots allowed on the bitch.

Driving:
From the brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways.

Unsorted:
In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

At a Budapest Zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

French swimming pool:
Swimming is forbidden in the absence of the Savior.