1. What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
2. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One... men will screw anything.
3. How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
4. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
5. What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
6. How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
7. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
8. What do men and beer bottles have in common.
They are both empty from the neck up.
9. How can you tell if a man is happy?
10. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
No one knows... It's never been done.
11. How are men and parking spaces alike?
The good ones are already taken, and the ones left are handicapped.
12. What is a man's idea of helping you with housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
13. What is the difference between men and E.T.?
E.T. called home.
14. What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six-pack of beer.
15. Do you know why there's a hole in a man's penis?
So he can get air to his brain.
16. How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
17. How is a man like linoleum?
If you lay him right the first time, you can walk all over him for the next twenty years.